Love Glows. (And Other Ponderings on the Nature of Life, Friendship and Inner Exploration

Life is so rich and colorful.

I sit here and feel waves of gratitude for Being wash over me.

Here I am, in this cafe, a favorite of mine downtown--the golden yellow walls  that almost exude a warmth you can feel on your skin.  These walls stand as a backdrop to the faces of the people all around me.  I see their smiles, their embraces, colorful hats, tapping their feet to strange music that fliters through the gold of my corner booth.  What I hear is different, gentle melodies breathe in and through my headphones, providing a soundtrack to what I know is a remarkable moment.

 But the people--they are so beautiful in all their shapes and forms.  I feel as though I am looking at them as a part of my story--a part of life--a part of a grand work of art in ever-changing progress.   I see them connecting.  I feel their connection.  I know this so well.

At once I see movement and flow, like a dance.

The couple just in front of me, in the depth of their conversation form a perfect frame through which I see a business man with a warm smile and the kind of wrinkles that mark a life well lived. The younger man at the bar--tall and thin, black 1950's era glasses and intently styled hair, pointy shoes and tight jeans, lost deep in a novel;  ever-mysterious lover of classical music.  I've seen him here before.  A little girl of five or six, passes by quickly, leaving behind an impression with her sparkling dark eyes and pearl headband.  The barista behind the counter moves quicky from one end to the other adding a rhythm to the music.

I know we walk such different paths, but here--it is almost as though I can feel all the private moments and precious people blend into one another like music--like paint colors falling over a canvas, leaving behind sprays of light.

I do believe that every moment has the potential to be so remarkable, and yet, in this moment somehow I have captured it. I feel I am a part of the music, the dance, the artistry. Everything has a glow to it. Even the little things around me catch my eye; five knives glinter, stuck to a magnet on the wall: two big ones, and three little ones. They are all angled perfectly to the right, as if someone placed them like that on purpose.  Bottles of wine age under little spotlights.  Clean glasses upside down.  Jars of tea line the shelves.

But why do I see with such eyes in this moment?

Perhaps it is because this morning I got very quiet.

I awoke as I often do, with words of hope for the day in my heart.

I bathed.  I oiled my face. The smell of lavender.  I liked the way my skin looked in the sunlight that filtered through the dirty window. I thought about  the nature of beauty and the desire for touch.  I wondered what role beauty plays in Truth.  I started to question myself on everything I've felt lately;  on Who I Am, and whether it is authentic, and whether what I thought was authentic really is...

I began to humble myself and step back.  I literally envisioned myself outside my body, observing my human self in expression.  What is real?  What is true?  Who am I?  Who do I want to be?

And then my sweet husband invited me to join him at this cafe.  And the dance of clarity began.

As I watch these people, I know them.  I can't explain it, they are just familiar to me. And I Love them. There is nothing they must do for me to feel this Love. And over me washes the incredible immeasurable Love that I have for the people that have become a part of my life story.

What I know is that I Love people.  It has never been something I hesitated about.  I can remember as a young teen seeing movies and hearing conversations where people would struggle having fallen in love with someone and then, they would wonder if it was too soon to tell them-- as if there were some defined moment when Love is okay.

 Many times I have fallen in love with people shortly after meeting them. And soon they know. How could I hold it inside?  My Love overcomes me.  I feel it intensely.  However I admit that many times, I feel so much love in new friendship that I tend to share it in little bits and pieces, as not to frighten my friend away, while simultaneously celebrating and adoring them all at once by myself.  I suppose this is some level of the same fear people experience when they fall in love.  Fear of losing something so brilliant.  I have that fear too.  But Love is all too worth the risk, and in truth, I think what we are feeling, and what we are afraid of is really what we are made of, and what we come from. It just scares us that we could be that brilliant, and then share it with someone else.

After this remarkable summer, travelling on my feet over 1700 miles through mountain forests, through sunlit pastures, thumbing on the side of highways, and sleeping under the stars, my capacity for Love has only deepened.  Life out there taught me many things, about the goodness of people, and truth, and myself.  I met countless souls along the way, each with their own gift to give.  A few which I hope to remain friends with always.  A few which have left their imprints on my heart. I feel incredible Gratitude to them for sharing with me a journey only we can understand.

It is the people of this world that make it home.  I can recall one afternoon months into my journey, tears streaming down my face as I longed to be with my family again.  It was then that I realized that people are all that really matter in this life. I had almost nothing, and it was people that I missed.  We need each other.

Today I am grateful to see the walls around me emanate light in this sweet cafe.  And I am grateful to know that the walls are just reflecting the light and warmth of the faces and hearts that make up this glorious Music, making my world my home.  I am grateful for the receivers of my Love, for the people who are Home to me.  The friends new and old that have opened my heart just by Being in it.  And be warned dear ones; I will Love you with a level of Love necessary in a time where it is most important that I be Who I Am: Glowing Love.