Both Sides of the Moon: Musings on Mangoes, Comfort, Nakedness, and Finding Our Way Home

I remember the day I learned that mangoes are a sensual fruit.  I was a teenager, and my best girlfriend and I sat on either side of a pulldown cupholder arm rest on a big, overstuffed black leather couch.  We laughed beneath a skylight of blue as the juice dripped down our arms.  It was then that I knew.  Mangoes are not for the faint of heart.  They are as wild and passionate as the one who drinks their nectar in.  They are sweet pleasure in their ripe juiciness.  Yes, I have heard that you should eat mangoes naked, and I do believe this is true.  I still haven't done it, but I'm certain I will.  There is a Wildness to Life that yearns to be touched.  Not a one of us hasn't felt that yearning at some moment of life.   Tell me you haven't wanted to taste what Life has to offer and I will not believe you.

I have found that curling up knees-to-chin on a couch of mismatched blankets is a wonderful comfort.  I like to hear the dogs barking outside sometimes.  It reminds me that I am cozy here in this home, so lucky to have my place to curl up and feel safe.  I am not alone.  I love to see the clothes on the line, and as they move I can almost feel the subtle breeze on my face as if I was for a moment a feather-light white shirt, translucent with sunlight-glow shining through.  They remind me of the simple joys of life at home.  The orange glow of a lamp, the sound of a tea kettle singing, the shower is going, there are books on the shelf.  Little cups stacked up.  A sweater hangs out of an open dresser drawer.  We all need comfort.  We all yearn for home.

The air is warm.  I squint as I look out upon the lake, sun-ripples dancing, waving toward me like shards of gold.  A gentle breeze.  I stretch and breathe.  I remove my dusty socks and feel the sharp rocks under my sore feet.  I walk towards the water, hesitantly, but wide-aware.  Inside I am free.  Inside I run like a child into the water.  Several moments pass as I stare out across the blue.  I come to the edge, where the water laps the shore calling me out gently into the freedom.  The afternoon sun is like that happiness that wraps around you like the evening of a summer child. Crickets chirp through a memory of barbecue smoke.  Time stretched long like afternoon shadows.  Sunlight made real.

A silt-cloud of mud fills the clear water as I swirl my socks around to wash them.  I squeeze them out and hang them on a shoreline tree.  Beyond ankle-deep now I can feel each cold and slippery rock underfoot.

 I am deep in the wilderness, prepared with all my heroine heart to get into that water and swim naked.  Gosh darn it, I am determined. I have come so far and waited so long for this divine moment. I invite my Love to join me, thinking I will find some sort of Courage or Liberation or Deeper Love if he swims with me, but I find myself alone and left my clothes on a low bush nearby.

Apprehensive, and sure that someone in the wilderness could most certainly see me from across the lake--how dare she be beautiful and naked in the forest, afterall--I stand for a moment and take in my wild liberty, realizing that frankly, it doesn't even matter if there is.  I slip away into the water, the coolness like sacred silk cloths over my skin. I am reverent of the deep silence below. I feel my body spin like a dervish, spiraling and still all at once.  I savor that perfect still smoothness on the surface of the water--a feeling suspended in time- as I break through and emerge into the light. Cool drops of freshness drip down my face and make high vibrations on the water as they fall from my hair swept wet behind my ears.  I am clean and clear.  I am Wholeness and Brilliant Wild Beauty for no one but my Self.

I wash my clothes with much care and hang them in the trees, then dash shyly to grab my wonderful woolen underlayers.  I savor their sun-warmed softness.  I retreat to that place of cherished comfort once again.  I lay and watch the sway of the pines, hear the low music of the frogs and the rhythmic water lapping the shore, my eyes focused gently on patches of sun as they move on the mesh of my open-air tent.  I find home.

There is a Calling to Wildness and the Open-Hearted Freedom-Bliss of Life.  There is a longing and an echo that can be heard as we become quiet.  Much like the mid-night song of a wailing loon on a secret lake, it haunts us and draws us deeper within the dark and mysterious brilliant night sky-scape of our inner reaches.

There is a retreat once again to the Softness of Spirit within, holding us eternally in a warm and nurturing embrace.  We curl up into it like a tiny child, our hearts cradled like a precious treasure.

It is a mango of sensuous passion, a quilted couch of quiet peace, a wilderness shoreline of adventure, a warm home under the trees.

Wild and Precious, Gentle and Fierce are we.  Quiet and Thundering, Trembling and Brave are we.  We are as Sacred and ever-changing as the Day and Night and Seasons all around us.  We are the Seasons.  We are the Starlit Night.

The sun rises, inviting the petals of a flower to Open.  The rain pushes petals to the Earth.  The mandala is woven.  It circles around. Life is both sides of the moon.

We Welcome Wild and the Comfortable, both...

~Abigail Grace Stohs

Love Glows. (And Other Ponderings on the Nature of Life, Friendship and Inner Exploration

Life is so rich and colorful.

I sit here and feel waves of gratitude for Being wash over me.

Here I am, in this cafe, a favorite of mine downtown--the golden yellow walls  that almost exude a warmth you can feel on your skin.  These walls stand as a backdrop to the faces of the people all around me.  I see their smiles, their embraces, colorful hats, tapping their feet to strange music that fliters through the gold of my corner booth.  What I hear is different, gentle melodies breathe in and through my headphones, providing a soundtrack to what I know is a remarkable moment.

 But the people--they are so beautiful in all their shapes and forms.  I feel as though I am looking at them as a part of my story--a part of life--a part of a grand work of art in ever-changing progress.   I see them connecting.  I feel their connection.  I know this so well.

At once I see movement and flow, like a dance.

The couple just in front of me, in the depth of their conversation form a perfect frame through which I see a business man with a warm smile and the kind of wrinkles that mark a life well lived. The younger man at the bar--tall and thin, black 1950's era glasses and intently styled hair, pointy shoes and tight jeans, lost deep in a novel;  ever-mysterious lover of classical music.  I've seen him here before.  A little girl of five or six, passes by quickly, leaving behind an impression with her sparkling dark eyes and pearl headband.  The barista behind the counter moves quicky from one end to the other adding a rhythm to the music.

I know we walk such different paths, but here--it is almost as though I can feel all the private moments and precious people blend into one another like music--like paint colors falling over a canvas, leaving behind sprays of light.

I do believe that every moment has the potential to be so remarkable, and yet, in this moment somehow I have captured it. I feel I am a part of the music, the dance, the artistry. Everything has a glow to it. Even the little things around me catch my eye; five knives glinter, stuck to a magnet on the wall: two big ones, and three little ones. They are all angled perfectly to the right, as if someone placed them like that on purpose.  Bottles of wine age under little spotlights.  Clean glasses upside down.  Jars of tea line the shelves.

But why do I see with such eyes in this moment?

Perhaps it is because this morning I got very quiet.

I awoke as I often do, with words of hope for the day in my heart.

I bathed.  I oiled my face. The smell of lavender.  I liked the way my skin looked in the sunlight that filtered through the dirty window. I thought about  the nature of beauty and the desire for touch.  I wondered what role beauty plays in Truth.  I started to question myself on everything I've felt lately;  on Who I Am, and whether it is authentic, and whether what I thought was authentic really is...

I began to humble myself and step back.  I literally envisioned myself outside my body, observing my human self in expression.  What is real?  What is true?  Who am I?  Who do I want to be?

And then my sweet husband invited me to join him at this cafe.  And the dance of clarity began.

As I watch these people, I know them.  I can't explain it, they are just familiar to me. And I Love them. There is nothing they must do for me to feel this Love. And over me washes the incredible immeasurable Love that I have for the people that have become a part of my life story.

What I know is that I Love people.  It has never been something I hesitated about.  I can remember as a young teen seeing movies and hearing conversations where people would struggle having fallen in love with someone and then, they would wonder if it was too soon to tell them-- as if there were some defined moment when Love is okay.

 Many times I have fallen in love with people shortly after meeting them. And soon they know. How could I hold it inside?  My Love overcomes me.  I feel it intensely.  However I admit that many times, I feel so much love in new friendship that I tend to share it in little bits and pieces, as not to frighten my friend away, while simultaneously celebrating and adoring them all at once by myself.  I suppose this is some level of the same fear people experience when they fall in love.  Fear of losing something so brilliant.  I have that fear too.  But Love is all too worth the risk, and in truth, I think what we are feeling, and what we are afraid of is really what we are made of, and what we come from. It just scares us that we could be that brilliant, and then share it with someone else.

After this remarkable summer, travelling on my feet over 1700 miles through mountain forests, through sunlit pastures, thumbing on the side of highways, and sleeping under the stars, my capacity for Love has only deepened.  Life out there taught me many things, about the goodness of people, and truth, and myself.  I met countless souls along the way, each with their own gift to give.  A few which I hope to remain friends with always.  A few which have left their imprints on my heart. I feel incredible Gratitude to them for sharing with me a journey only we can understand.

It is the people of this world that make it home.  I can recall one afternoon months into my journey, tears streaming down my face as I longed to be with my family again.  It was then that I realized that people are all that really matter in this life. I had almost nothing, and it was people that I missed.  We need each other.

Today I am grateful to see the walls around me emanate light in this sweet cafe.  And I am grateful to know that the walls are just reflecting the light and warmth of the faces and hearts that make up this glorious Music, making my world my home.  I am grateful for the receivers of my Love, for the people who are Home to me.  The friends new and old that have opened my heart just by Being in it.  And be warned dear ones; I will Love you with a level of Love necessary in a time where it is most important that I be Who I Am: Glowing Love.

Cranberry Orange Pumpkin Cookies

This week at the end of a whole day of holiday baking with my mama in her kitchen, I decided to play around and combine a few gourmet flavors I thought just might work well together and I created what I think is a real gem of a holiday cookie. I've already been told to "please freeze or hide these cookies before I eat all of them." These warm, soft pumpkin-spiced oatmeal cookies are laced with dried cranberries and orange zest and are the perfect fireside (or maybe even breakfast) treat. Enjoy!


Dry Ingredients 

2 cups flour
1 1/3 cups rolled oats
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg

Wet Ingredients

1 2/3 cups sugar
2/3 cup canola oil
2 tablespoons molasses
1 cup canned pumpkin, or cooked pureed pumpkin
1 tablespoon vanilla

Fold-Ins 

1/2-3/4 cup dried cranberries (depending on how much you like them)
2/3 cup chopped walnuts

3 Tablespoons orange zest (or the zest of 2 med-large oranges)

Directions

• Preheat oven to 350. You will need 2-4 greased baking sheets. 

• Zest your oranges, chop your walnuts

• Mix together Dry Ingredients: flour, oats, baking soda, salt and spices.

• In a second bowl, mix together Wet Ingredients: sugar, oil, molasses, pumpkin and vanilla until very well combined. 

• Mix Dry Ingredients into Wet.

• Fold in the dried cranberries, walnuts and orange zest.

• Drop spoonfuls onto greased cookie sheets. They may spread a bit, so leave a little space.  

• Bake for 14-16 minutes at 350. 

• Remove from oven and cool on a rack. 

Our Beautiful Thanksgiving Feast (and my fall mantle too!)

Hi Friends,

I hope you had a lovely thanksgiving. I did.

It has taken me a while to begin getting into the Christmas spirit, because it has been so warm out and hasn't snowed at all, (I've really enjoyed it, though its a little strange) but this Sunday I went to the early service (my favorite) at Unity and Ahriana really inspired me with what she had to share about Advent and all of the anticipation and gentle preparing for the coming of the new that can be so lovingly celebrated this time of year. I got very excited and went right away to buy some candles (one big brilliant gold one for the center, and 4 sage green tapers) and a grapevine wreath to make my own Advent wreath for Pres and I to light each night during this season so that we could be a part of the sacredness of this time. That afternoon I went on a sunny hike with Audrey and along the way I found some fallen evergreen branches to decorate our Advent wreath with. Its so beautiful, that immediately after setting it up, I could feel the Christmas Spirit begin to stir within me!!

I always love this time of year so much. I love that it is an end to the year that has passed. I love all of the warmth we create with our traditions. I love the sparkle of lights, and the drawing near of loved ones. I love the winter solstice, the darkest day of the year, where we can begin to celebrate the return of the light. It is such a powerful time for transformation, and I love the opportunity it presents each year to look back over the last 12 months, and to take note of what dreams and goals we've brought to life. We can celebrate our victories, and cherish the memories we've created. And then comes the new year!! What a joy to spend some sacred time visioning what we dream of for the next year and starting all over again fresh! I love that we get this chance every year. Ever since I started paying attention to the deeper meaning of all this, and really using this as powerful time for creating, I've experienced more joy and accomplished more dreams than ever before. Thanks mom, for gifting me with The Sacred Journey Journal, 5 or 6 years ago. (This is a powerful tool, a journal/day timer that is really helpful with annual dreaming and goal setting) I've used one each year ever since, and even though I'll only use part of it this year (I'll be walking the other part) I still can't imagine a new year's with out it.

That said, I am getting in the Christmas spirit, and I thought I should share some pics of our lovely Thanksgiving feast with you before the season has passed. And of course, you have to see a few pictures of my fall mantle before I take it down! :)


Thanksgiving Feast

This is our warm Thanksgiving table at my mom and Scott's house...





Spicy Silk Nog...




Stuffing, one of Preston's favorites...




My favorite Thanksgiving dish, sweet potatoes, my great grammy's style cooked in butter (earth balance) and maple syrup....




This year my mom tried something new instead of green bean casserole, and it was yummmm! Asparagus with Annie's Yum Sauce and of course crispy onions on top...




Squashes with stuffing...




My other Thanksgiving favorite (thanks, mom!) Squash Rolls





For our entree this year, little pot pies....




For dessert I made 2 things:




Grammy's apple pie (with a whole wheat crust)

And....Vegan Pumpkin Pie Cheesecake, which was simply amazing.









My Fall Mantle

Here is my fall mantle for this year. It was simple and came together little by little, but it warmed me up to light all of the candles almost every day and watch it glow in honor of autumn...



















Audrey found me four large acorns which were the beginning of this little display. Preston brought the little pumpkin gourds home for me one night so I added them. Then when we were visiting Kansas City for Mom and John's Hallow-tini party I found so many beautiful acorns and some other large tree seeds at the Overland Park Arboretum and brought them home and it was complete...



















Preston bought me these precious little fall critters candles early this season...















This is the wreath I made for our front door...










I hope you had a wonderful fall as I did. Are you getting into the Christmas spirit? What are you doing to prepare--body, mind, and spirit for the season? Leave a comment!

Love,
Abbey

Vegan Pumpkin Pie Cheesecake for Thanksgiving

Its the day before Thanksgiving, and no doubt, people all over the country are preparing for a day of sharing food, love, and gratitude.

Today I made an absolutely beautiful vegan cheesecake, and it came out so wonderful that I feel I just have to share it with you! (I've made this before, and I believe you wouldn't know the difference!)

Some genius once decided to make a really gross vegan "cheesecake" with mostly tofu as the base and it was so appalling that many people would try it once, gag, and assume that there is no good vegan alternative for cheesecake. Well back off, weird tofu cheesecake guy, and make way for a cheesecake that I bet you could serve and no one would even know it was vegan!

Now, let it be known that the word vegan does not always translate into "healthy." There is a bit of a myth there sometimes... I would call this cheesecake decadent for sure. Its a bit involved, and a little expensive to make (though I would guess not more than a dairy cheesecake.) But I love to go the extra mile and make it for special occasions. I can tell you that it has no cholesterol or animal fat though, and that does translate to "a little bit healthier."

Ingredients:

For the Crust:

1/4 cup veg shortening (I use Earth Balance Vegetable Shortening Sticks)
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup molasses
1 1/2 teaspoons vinegar
1 Tablespoon applesauce
1/2 cup + 2 Tablespoons all purpose flour
1/2 cup + 2 Tablespoons whole wheat flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons ginger
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves


For the Filling: (This will fill up your food processor bowl really full!)

Four 8oz. containers Tofutti Cream Cheese (get it at a natural food store)
1 box (12 oz) Mori-Nu Tofu (the Firm Silken variety, can be found usually in the asian foods dept of natural food stores)
1 cup granulated sweetener
1 teaspoon vanilla
3/4 cup canned pumpkin puree
1/3 cup all purpose flour
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice


For the Topping:

1/2 box Mori-Nu Firm Silken Tofu
1 Tablespoon canola oil
1 1/2 teaspoons lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup granulated sweetener
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/4 cup canned pumpkin puree
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon


Directions:

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Coat a 9 in springform pan in oil

For the Crust:
Cream shortening and sugar. Add molasses, vinegar, applesauce, to shortening and sugar mixture and beat until combined. Mix together dry ingredients, including spices, and add to shortening and sugar mixture and stir until combined. Press to bottom of prepared pan. Prick with a fork all over and bake for 10 minutes. Remove from oven, reduce oven heat to 350 degrees F, and set crust aside.

For the Filling:
Combine cream cheese and tofu in food processor and process until smooth scraping sides several times. Add granulated sweetener and blend until creamy. Add remaining ingredients, blend, and pour into prepared crust. Place on top rack. Place a shallow pan filled with water on bottom rack and bake for 50 minutes.

For the Topping:
While cheesecake is baking, place tofu in food processor and process, and scape sides and process several times until smooth. Add other ingredients, and process to blend. After 50 minutes, pull cheesecake out of oven and carefully spread on topping. Return to the oven and bake for an additional 10 minutes. Turn the oven off and leave cheesecake there for another hour. Remove from oven and allow to cool completely. Refrigerate for at least 8 hours or overnight before serving. (this really does make a difference in consistency!!)

Enjoy and Happy Thanksgiving from Love's Garden Arts!

Love,
Abbey

My Favorite Raw Hummus!

Hi Friends!

This is my version of a raw hummus. It is a cashew-based hummus that is wonderful for dipping crackers, chips, and veggies in as a snack. For lunch or dinner, it mimics cheese and works great in between slices of tomato with fresh basil leaves like a caprese salad! Also try on raw crusts or flatbreads as a spread for little mediterrenean pizzas with spinach, kalamata olives, tomatoes, etc!

I like it better than a raw chickpea hummus, because I am not a huge fan of the taste of sprouted legumes in hummus (I prefer them in a sprout salad) and I think it mimics the texture/taste of hummus much better, while remaining raw so you don't have to sacrifice on enzymatic quality and therefore energy!

Cashews make a great base for wonderful raw vegan cheeses, cream sauces, and cashew whipped cream, easily replacing the need for dairy in one's diet. Yay cashews!

My version of Raw Cashew Hummus:

Throw all of this in a food processor or Vitamix:

2 cups organic raw cashews, soaked a couple hours to overnight (soaking nuts removes their naturally occurring enzyme inhibitors, making them easier to digest, thus giving you more energy)

1/4 cup fresh squeezed organic lemon juice (usually about one lemon)

1 small clove garlic

2 big spoons of raw sesame tahini (I use Artisana brand or make my own by putting sesame seeds in a food processor with a little oil or water)

1 tsp sea salt

1/2 cup or a little more or less water as needed to reach desired consistency (add this as you need it after blending other ingredients)

A little cayenne pepper if you like it!

Blend it up and add water a little at a time until it is the fluffy, smooth consistency of hummus. I always have to scrape down the sides of the food processor as I go.


I make this almost weekly to have in the fridge as a great raw snack, and quick, easy lunch/dinner idea.

Enjoy!

Love, Ab

Strawberry Omega 3 Power Smoothie (Raw, Vegan, Organic)

This morning I whipped up this quick, raw breakfast smoothie for an energy-rich treat loaded with Omega 3s and high in healthy, plant-based protein.

I have a smoothie for breakfast almost everyday, and it is a great way to ease your digestive system into the day.

Ingredients: (Makes 1-1 1/2 servings)

~You can modify this however you like, and change quantities, add or omit ingredients to get the consistency and flavor you like. You could also add spinach to get some green power without changing the flavor too much. ~

1 1/2-2 Frozen Organic Bananas (we just buy a ton, let them ripen a few days, then put them in a ziplock in the freezer for smoothies all week!)

1/2-1 cup Frozen Organic Strawberries

1 1/2-2 cups Unsweetened Almond Milk (homemade for true raw or storebought for possibly raw)

1 very soft Organic Medjool Date, pitted (If you use a super soft one, it will blend in better and there won't be lumps which grosses me out, personally)

3 Tablespoons Raw Hulled Hemp Seed, ground (You can buy them refridgerated for freshness from Natural Grocers and grind them in a coffee or spice grinder right before use so they retain highest quality) These add 9 grams protein, and 2000mg Omega 3s!

2 Tablespoons Organic Flax Seed, ground (same with these, refridgerate them and grind right before use) These add another 5 grams protein and magnesium, zinc, and of course, Omega 3s!

Blend, and enjoy! (using a straw or a spoon makes it yummier I swear!)
Add more Almond milk to thin, more frozen fruit to thicken.

I ususally have a smoothie for breakfast then a snack in late morning, and if my body wants more food right off the bat, I will eat either a piece of fresh fruit or some raw granola with almond milk. This week I am going to try out making my own Berry Nut Breakfast Bars in the dehydrator! I'll report back on those. Happy Morning, and feel free to share your own smoothie creations with me!

Love,
Abbey